Thursday, November 13, 2008

anxiety dreams I have had lately

  • I have braces again and they are uncomfortable so I go to pull the wire from my braces and, when I pull the wire, my teeth fall out. Not all at once, not cleanly, but shards and chunks of teeth. I run to the mirror and what is left are jagged broken pieces of teeth, and I scream.
  • I'm at the lake where I used to lifeguard in the summer, and I look down at my arms and my tattoos are rubbing off, flakes of black dust kicking up everywhere, and I am afraid.
  • I'm in the car and I can't control it, the brakes are bad and the accelerator is incredibly sensitive, I brake and the car spins out, I give it gas and it shoots forward, I can control the general direction but it always overshoots the mark and leaves me worse than before, I cannot get the car under control, and I see the cops coming up over the ridge and I know that when they catch me they will kill me.

Something has to change.


Matoko said... has changed.
One morning very very early last summer, a vast quantity of us ambitionless hedonistic slacker youth demographic got up and drove to the Filmore on Colfax Street in Denver.
We helped local rappers The Flobots make this, Rise.
The tree planting is in the superfund trailerpark in Commerce City, north of Denver.
Some time afterwards, a lot of us gravitated towards working on Obama's campaign as canvassers and GOTV phoners. It seemed natural.

Has it changed for the better?
Can't say yet.

We all have night terrors.
I have had them since I was eight and got promoted a grade, and my doctor father started showing me surgery tapes to prepare me for med school.
Sometimes I am standing kneedeep in blood and parts by a roadside accident or gowned and gloved in an emergency room with a scapel in my hand and I remember that I'm a math major.

I just get up and turn on the music.

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